At first aku rasa guilty sebab aku buat dia macam tu. But after all I realize that if I don’t do this, he might not change into a better person. Aku still ada humanity, tapi dia masih tak sedar ape mistake dia. Hopefully dengan cara menjauhkan diri dapat mengubah dia menjadi someone.

Some of my friends will think that I’m cruel. Well I’m not like what you think. Dia masih tak berubah dan mungkin sekarang become worse kot. Balik kerja, terus keluar entah ke mana but one thing for sure, dia akan melepak kat Kedai Kopi L****g(confidential — to protect him to be known). Dia pernah tanye aku kenapa aku tak jawab soalan dia. Hey, come on.. He always ask a silly question that might not have any answers for it.

Itu satu hal, yang latest baru-baru ni dia buat aku bengang dengan soalan dia walhal dia tahu yang aku takde transport untuk balik kampung. “Minggu ni balik Kemaman dok?”, I don’t know why that kinda question came across his mind. Then I replied “Bakpe tanye soalan bodo gitu sedangkan mu tau doh kereta aku rosok.” and he was stumbled with my reply. Dahlah kereta baru break down, boleh pulak tanye aku soalan bangang macam tu.

Aku tak suka nak buat dia macam tu, tapi please change to be a better person. Bukan aku nak mengungkit, tapi as to teach him how hard is life and how pain it is. Sebagai pengajaran kepada sesape yang bace blog ni, aku harap korang tak buat something yang boleh membuatkan orang give up hope dengan kita. Aku tak perfect, tapi aku cuba untuk memperbaiki diri dan mengatasi segala kelemahan diri ni.

Last month was a tsunami in my life. He didn’t even giving hands for financial problems that occured. I was really pissed of by him. Dia ingat bapak aku Bill Gates ke? As if bapak aku Bill Gates sekalipun, takkan nak depend his life on me kan? Umur dah makin lanjut, tapi behave like a child. Sometimes, he’s okey but most of the time he’s not. So far, aku hanya dapat merasa RM60 from him but from that amount, half of it goes to him jugak. I still remember when he first gave me RM10 at a restaurant, his eyes were looking at the money and maybe he tought that I will say “You don’t have to pay, keep your money.”, hell-no I wouldn’t say that! My financial was starting to fall from the eclipse and you want me to say that? In your dreams.. In your dreams.. Jahat ke? I don’t think so.

Kalau korang kata aku jahat, try to be in my shoe and see what will happen. Sekarang dia dah buat hal sendiri kononnya dah tak nak susahkan aku. Cara/tindakan yang dia buat bukanlah satu tindakan yang bijak. Setiap nasihat orang kita kena terima pakai bukannya protes. Entahlah, hopefully he will realize how worse his life was. Mudah-mudahan Allah akan membuka pintu hati dia dan memberi rezeki padanya, amin..

There are some ways to build-up yourself. Some I have implemented and some I will revise later on.

Introduction of building up yourself ;
First and foremost, look for persons around you. Who you live your life everyday with them — i.e : parents, co-workers, close friends, girlfriend, etc which might have an interest in you. Ask them, what they can find in you and what they expected from you. Force them to speak from their heart and not because to impress you by their words. From here, you will know what people think about you and what they wanted from you. Do some research on how to fix all the bad habits that you have.

There will be some advantages in you that might help you to cover up you weaknesses. Try to strengthen up your advantages so that your weaknesses will vague from others.

I’m trying to control my anger as it doesn’t have any strength side of me that can cover that inside me.

I’m not like him and I realize that. I hope I can be like him but I can’t. I won’t blame you if one day you would return to him because he can make you happy while I can’t. He can make you feel so special but I can’t. Is a big gap between me and him. It’s hard for me to be like him.

It will be hard for me to accept it, but I will try to swallow it all. Sorry if I let you down.

sick!! sick!! sick!! flu + fever = very damn sucks.

i’m sorry if i can’t be perfect like what u want,
i’m sorry to make u feel bad,
i’m sorry if i hav made u cry,
i’m sorry cos i don’t noe how to appreciate u,

girl,
if u hate me, please let me noe.. don’t juz keep it inside u, cos i won’t noe wut u feel.. if u tell me, at least i can fix it.. giv me a chance to fix it.. i don’t wanna lose u cos my heart will trumbling if u leave me.. u noe how deep is my heart towards u.. don’t change becos of me, but lemme change becos of u.. let me learn more about u.. i am lost without u.. u are my life, my soul, my guidance towards my happiness.. u’re the light to my darkness soul.. u brought the gaze when it was dimmed, i noe my words can’t prove anything.. but deep inside me, there’s no one noes.. if u trust me, please trust in me.. u noe how much i love to hear ur voice.. u noe how much i like when u talk.. i love the way u talk, walk, smile, and everything dat u do will make me feel diz world is beautiful like u.. i hav nothing left wif me.. i am no one if u’re gone.. diz i’m telling u and it ain’t fiction..

dedicated to a girl dat makes me feel so special.. let time shows everything and may the truth become more clearer..

yours,
@nonymous